Just Happy to Be Here

By Keith Fisher

I’ve been knee deep in the writer’s conference today and I need to post this tonight before I fall into bed. If you missed the conference today, I’m sorry for you. It was great! I attended a class about grammar and punctuation that left me self-conscious about my writing. I’m not sure if I should’ve used a comma up there or not. Okay let the chips fall where they may and since I won’t have to time to run it past the group for editing, the chips probably will fall. They’ll fall from the Internet and leak out of your computer screen, oozing onto the floor. Okay, maybe we’re not talking potato chips here.

I only have a few minutes so I’ll get right to the point. Rachel Ann Nunes, (pronounced noon-ish for those who are uninformed). Anyway she talked about the state of the LDS market. It was a good presentation and left us with hope that the market will be good but we have to work hard and learn the craft and keep writing.

At one point during her presentation, she compared our niche market with the national market and I asked the question: Why won’t national market publishers print LDS books? The answer was a good one, she said, because LDS fiction tends to try and convert.

I’ve got to agree with that, God’s stated purpose is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. If our need to write was given as a gift from God, then we should help to fulfill that purpose with that gift.

To be fair though, I think I can understand the fear of being converted. One of the things I would never do as a missionary was force someone to listen.

But I have another question and an observation: I hate to admit it, but I have been reading some of Dean Koontz’s books lately and I’ve noticed very strong overtones involving another church. He puts far more references to the other church in his books than the LDS references I put in my books. Other authors put less than I do. What’s the difference?

If we refer to the LDS church in our books, the moral family values are shown. Love of God and keeping the commandments are like innuendo. But it’s as it should be. As I said, If God is the source of our writing desires, then we can’t help express our love for him.

I am curious though, What would happen if one of us wrote a demons and monsters book with a character that is a worthy priesthood holder, who is not necessarily a Mormon missionary? In the story, the character would banish the demons and monsters and everyone would be happy in the end.

I said this would be short but I guess I was wrong. See you tomorrow at the conference.

I’m Sorry Teacher but My Dog Ate my Homework

By Keith Fisher

Okay I didn’t finish part two of the two-part blog. I was caught napping (I mean editing) when something, (Cooking Dutch oven for the whole Fourth Grade), sneaked up from behind and hit me on the head.

Then I was roped into Judging at a Dutch oven cook off, I gave a talk in Church, and I still haven’t prepared my lesson for Priesthood meeting.

Starting Monday, (afternoon, because I work Sunday night at eleven and I’ll be sleeping Monday Morning). I have to get myself organized for the LDStorymakers conference. I was foolish enough to say I’d help with the Mix & Mingle. So, part two may not get posted next week either. (I’ll probably be writing about some totally sage thing someone says at the conference).

Through all of this, I finished another novel, (Now I’m napping, I mean editing.) It’s going to be terrific. If you read it, you will cry. It is the story of twin brothers who . . . well I don’t want to give anything away until I get it re-written. Perhaps I’ll have a stack of volunteer readers by then.

You know, not that I’m Rambling, but during the time period above, I made copies of Eternal Tapestries, (you know the cover I put on this blog?) Anyway, I gave those copies to the ward RS book club and I’m on pins and needles, waiting to hear what they think.

I hope you’re waiting with baited breath for the second part of the other blog. It may get hairy. Well, not really, but I got your attention didn’t I?

It’s Saturday night and I know you have been wondering why I didn’t post early this morning. (See above). I am excited about the conference coming up and I hope to see you there. Look for me, I’ll be the guy with the Dutch oven burn on his arm. I felt like a newbie with a Dutch oven, but that’s another story. Good luck and good writing.

Do You Feel Inclined to Censure

OR . . .

"I promise I’ll be a good writer just please, don’t burn my book!"

By Keith Fisher


This is the first part of a two-part blog that is intended to incite the expression of opinions. I'm on my soapbox again and I would like to hear your opinions, but please keep your comments within the parameters of the spirit of the blog.

In 1933 Nazi youth groups, encouraged by Hitler, set out to burn books in Germany. The books they burned were subversive by their own standards, not conducive to the doctrine of the state.

I have been told that in 367 AD, in the interest of purity of religion, Athanasius, a Bishop of Alexandria ordered the Egyptian monks to destroy more than 95 percent of a legendary library that had been built for thousands of years.

These were not the only groups guilty of this act of abolition in a quest for absolution. Many have repeated this atrocity throughout the centuries, to the extent of the loss of irreplaceable volumes of the history of man.

Recently, I was reading a book by author, editor, and publisher, Sol Stein. After reading his non-fiction books about writing, I looked forward with great anticipation to reading one of his novels.
In the forward of Stein’s book, The Magician, the author talked about the history of the novel, and discussed at length, the banning of his book by several school districts in Wisconsin and elsewhere.

Immediately, my hackles were raised. I thought back to a time in my youth when there were several books on the "questionable list" Such books as Catcher in the Rye, the Great Gatsby, and Breakfast of Champions, to mention a few.

I thought of the television episode of Mash when the characters were driven crazy by the desire to see a banned movie called The Moon is Blue. When they finally saw the movie, they discovered the questionable material was really nothing, especially by today’s TV standards.

History shows that when you attach the word "BANNED" to anything, it only increases the desire of consumers to experience it.

I was torn between my intellectual side and my spiritual side. On one hand, I was appalled that anyone would ban a book. After all, isn’t banning the first step to burning? On the other hand I read further in the Magician and I asked myself, would I want my kids to read that book?

I turned to my neighbor for his thoughts. He is a sociology professor who has taught in both LDS and state institutions. I recited for him, my dilemma. His response is telling, he said, "I have asked my students to read materials that I wouldn’t want my own children to read." As an educator, his task is to teach his students about different cultures and some of them reflect a different set of standards than does the LDS culture.

For now, I can control what I, and my children read. You might say I’m banning books in my family. But the evidence is in. Children are better adjusted if they are allowed to keep purity of mind and heart for as long as they can. It’s true that naiveté is a factor, but my heart tells me they are better off learning certain things later in life, when they can deal with it in an adult way.

On the other side there is the parent who bans LDS fiction and non-fiction from his family. The parent is undoubtedly convinced that his children will be brainwashed by those blankety-blank Mormons.

Continued in my next blog

A Spot on the horizon

By Keith Fisher

Recently, I was reminded of the old hiking trick of finding a landmark on the horizon and making that your goal. Then when that spot is reached you find another one. Reaching goals in little chunks is a tried and true method of reaching a larger goal.

While perusing the Authors Incognito group page I discovered the book covers created by authors that were planning ahead. (Elizabeth and Darvell.) I admired their work and realized I could use this idea in mapping my success.

I created my own book cover for one of my books. I turned it into a jpeg then I set it as the background for the desktop on my computer. Now every time I turn it on, I’m reminded of my goal. It’s my inspiration, a goal I’m working toward. It helps me persist in achieving the large goal of becoming a successful author while I work on all my other projects.

My book cover is like a refrigerator magnet that is designed to inspire me to greatness. It’s a positive image I can focus on. It’s different than a picture of my overweight body placed on the refrigerator in an effort to loose weight. It’s my spot on the horizon.

I know a publisher will probably have other ideas for the cover, but for now, it helps me stay focused.

Please Enter Your Number & Stay in the Line

By Keith Fisher

Have you ever wondered how the human race survived in a world without microcomputers, credit card numbers, and cell phones?

I have heard of a time when we were all people, before the George Orwellian society reduced us to a series of numbers. We should have seen it coming when the phone company gave out phone numbers that would ring eight or so houses in an attempt to reach the one person who wasn’t home. Perhaps we should’ve resisted the government when they issued nine digit social security numbers.

Recently, I was the butt of a joke. I choose to call it a joke. Otherwise I would run screaming into the night because of the loss of my mental faculties. Do you know how to dance to the digital Loonie Tunes?

The company I work for switched health insurance carriers at the first of the year, coinciding with my wife’s visit to a doctor. She gave them our health insurance card and they billed it to the old insurance. Without the correct insurance card they sent me the bill.

I couldn’t ask the insurance specialists at work to help because I now work Graveyard shift and they go home before I wake, so I called the insurance company.

I had to find their phone number and was put on hold. I had to give my SS number, my address, birth dates, and my company’s new name, (because they changed the name). They gave me an insurance card number and promised to send a new card to my address. (Wasn’t that nice?)

Armed with an insurance card number, I called the billing department for the doctor’s office and had to leave my phone number because the whole department had gone home early. I called back and got an operator and had to give her all my wife’s information, they also wanted MY information and discovered the records show that I still work at my old job. I corrected it and they wanted to know the name of the insurance (not just the company name).

It reminded me of the time I tried to convince a credit card company that the number they called was my private cell phone number. And no, I wasn’t the person who was on their records. And no, I don’t have a capital one card. And no, I don’t want one.

Small wonder that in this day and age, we all stress out. With all the numbers and passwords we must keep in order to function today, it’s a miracle we can remember the difference between a noun and verb. Let alone diagram sentences.

So if I use a password in my writing instead of an adjective please forgive and remember there are no periods in an email address. Uh . . . “I” before “E” except after uh . . . In order to verify your Identity, please tell me your mother’s maiden. You need a minimum of five characters for a pass . . . go or collect $200.00 . . . please enter the last four digits of your social security . . . In order to assist us in serving you, please enter your account number followed by the pound sign.

Do you remember the Porky Pig cartoon character? Bbbbb that’s all folks.

Learning the Craft

By Keith Fisher

The other day, I struggled with a novel I found lying around the house. I say struggled because it was hard to read. The concept of the plot appeared to be heading in an intriguing way so I battled to keep reading it.

"What was so hard about the book?" you ask. I’ll tell you, but first, let me tell you a story.

About ten years ago I submitted a novel. It was a labor of love. It was a book everyone needed to read. It told the story of a family’s experiences in a way that would touch hearts and change lives. It was a good story.

Of course I got a rejection letter. But it was a nice rejection letter. I was told that it WAS a good story but perhaps I would benefit by attending a writer’s workshop somewhere.

Ten years later I look back on that experience and realize that the publisher was right. The story was told not shown, there were point of view problems, and the characters were flat. In short, my book wasn’t ready to be published.

At the same time, the other novel, (the one I struggled with), was submitted to the same publisher. I doubt it sold very well, at least I hope not, because it would explain why LDS fiction got a bad rap. If this sounds like "sour grapes" I suppose it is. But I’ve had time to learn about my mistakes and will eventually be a better writer when my book gets published.

It might be interesting to note however, a published non-fiction author wrote the hard book I mentioned.

While reading the book, I was reminded of everything I’ve read about not telling but showing, point of view mistakes and "head-hopping". The big problem was the author let the protagonist’s mind wander all over the place. Normally this can give depth to a character but I found myself skipping whole pages because the subject had nothing to do with the story and it went on and on. When a writer dedicates page after page to a character’s ramblings it becomes narration (not unlike non-fiction).

I read once that some non-fiction writers have a hard time crossing over to fiction because of the tendency to tell.

So what can we learn from all this? One lessen is, that it helps to know someone in the publishing business, but most important for me is to remember to get it right before it gets published. As much as I want to see my work in print, I also want to give my readers a wonderful experience, to help them come away with the realization that they have been reading for hours and didn’t notice time passing. I want them to buy my second book because they had a great experience with the first one.

Here are 2 writing tips I am learning. The first is about showing and telling from Sol Stein (a writer, editor, and publisher).

He was nervous. tells.
He tapped his fingers on the tabletop. shows.

As for point of view, if you’re writing about what’s in the head of a character and in the next sentence, you switch characters, it’s called head hopping and it’s confusing because the reader isn’t sure who’s head they are in.

My hope:

May all your creative writing, always prove to be perfect prose. As for the book in question, I finished it and the author never answered the story question that kept me reading. I might dig a deep hole and deposit it in the bottom. (Just kidding).

A Long Stem Red Rose, Dinner, and a Box of Candy

By Keith Fisher

According to Wikipedia, in about 496 BC, Pope Gelasius I proclaimed a feast to be celebrated every year on February 14. This was to honor three martyred saints of ancient Rome. One of them was allegedly Saint Valentinus. The feast was slated to replace an old Pagan holiday of Lupercalia that had been celebrated for many years on February 15.

In the Middle Ages, the legends and the feast became associated with romantic love.

William Shakespeare (or was it Marlow?) gave us Friar Lawrence who in his compassion married the star crossed lovers and set into motion events of woe that young girls swoon over.

Ah love, at this time of year we (husbands) are once again, brought to the brink of insanity by the uncertainty of the moods of our dear sweethearts.

What type of bribery, trinket, or dead flower will please our true love? What kind of maniacal, sadistic punishment will we be forced to endure if we (heaven forbid) forget?

But what about receiving? Is it harder to find the perfect offering, or graciously accept a gift that you would never buy for yourself? In fact if you received it from anyone, (other than your true love), you would hide it in the dark recesses of the downstairs closet, never to be seen again?

Is this the kind of behavior inspired by true love? Well, if we use the example of Romeo and Juliet, then yes it is. What causes this behavior and leaves men sleepless, wallowing in a cold sweat, well into the night?

Ah love. I have heard it said that it is "a many splendored thing". (Try that word on your spell checker) It’s what causes mouths to go dry, dinner to go uneaten, and teenagers to plot their imaginary suicides, knowing they will never be allowed to show their faces in public again.

You may have guessed I am not a romantic fiction writer. If I were, I would write pages about the beauty and wonder of the day we have set aside for expression of the evidence of that knot in the pit of our stomach.

I implore you, in the interest of sanity, let’s go back to having a feast on February 14. Of course it means that we (husbands) will have to remember to express our love, everyday, in everything we do. We will have to start courting our wives again and go back to the time when we, as teenagers . . .

Uh, Never mind. It’s Saturday dear reader, barring Sunday you now have three days to get something for your true love. Try to avoid the last minute rush when white-faced husbands invade the local department store, settling for the last teddy bear and a chocolate bar.

If the unavoidable happens, try to repress the anger that rises because of the chuckles of the female store clerks who just know their sweetheart has already purchased a valentine that will knock their socks off.

Don’t tell them you saw their sweetheart at the other store, the one that was sold out of everything.